Dear Will...

November 25, 2015

Dear Will bug,

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, so I wanted to write you and Livi because it has been long overdue!  Will...I don't even know where to begin in telling you ALL that you are at 3.5 years old.  You are seriously the sweetest little boy in the world!  You have such a big heart for people, even at your young age, and I am so proud of the way you consider others.  You were coloring in your coloring book tonight and said "Mama, I am coloring these pictures for all the boys and girls that don't have mommies and daddies".  I explained "operation Christmas Child" to you this year and it left such a burden on your heart...and I am so proud of your desire to care about those we talked about.  You are asking so many questions lately about God and Jesus and are especially absorbed in understanding the Christmas story this year...and this is so exciting to me!  Just yesterday you said, "Mama, that mean ol' King Herod wanted to put baby Jesus in a trash can!!!"  I had to laugh, because your love of all things garbage truck got mixed into Christmas message, but it showed that you understood how evil Herod was!  I love to hear you pray at night, because you always pray for all of those that we have talked about that are sick and in need of healing.  There was one night a few weeks ago that I forgot to pray for those in need of healing and when I said "amen", you called me out...which I was thankful for.  

You may have been a "late talker" but you are making up for it now, because you never stop...and I love it!  It is amazing to me how much information you are processing all the time, and what a sponge for knowledge you have.  You know all your letters and can sound them all out!  You are coloring in the lines well, and LOVE to color with markers.  You continue to be obsessed with garbage trucks, garbage men, recycle trucks, recycling, etc., and our garbage men look for you every Thursday morning, even though they know you're at school on Thursdays now.  I waved to them the other day as they slowed down to honk, because they told me they missed their little buddy.  I truly believe that you have touched their lives as much as they have touched yours.   

You and Livi have started fighting daily, multiple times a day, but I also observe how much you love for her.  Livi ate all her blueberries the other morning and we were all out, and you looked in your bowl and picked some out and gave them to her because she was crying for more.  I cherish the moments that I see how much you protect her and want her to be happy...and my heart wants to explode.  I love seeing you in the role of big brother, because despite the ways you aggravate the heck out of her, it is obvious how much you adore her and worry over her.  You still can't say your "L's and V's" very well so her name continues to sound like "Wibby" when you say it...which is pretty stinkin' cute.  I heard you yelling "Wibby Woo" the other morning and died laughing, because it was just too sweet.  

Will, you have a mind like a steel trap and never forget anything!!! I am always shocked that you can remember things from a year ago and can recall specific details.  You learn songs easily and quickly and I think that's why you thrive at Community Bible Study.  You always come home singing your Bible verses and telling me all about the Bible stories you learned.  I love to hear you recite John 3:16 the very most of all!  

You have an infectious laugh and I wish I could make your laugh my ringtone on my phone.  Your laugh is a good old-fashioned "belly laugh" as I've always called it and I cannot hear it enough!  Thank you for the pure JOY that you bring to our family!!!  I ask you all the time, "What do you do to Mommy's heart?" and you respond, "I make it happy!"  I pray you always know that I consider it pure joy to be your Mommy and I am so proud of the boy that you are.  

I love you Will bug, Angel bug, Will bean, My buddy, and all the other names I call you!  Thank you for being the sweetest little guy in the world...I couldn't have dreamed you any more perfect than you are!  

Love, Mommy 

November 25, 2015

Dear Livi,

I am so late in writing  you an 18 month letter, but as I consider all that I am thankful for this Thanksgiving, it seemed like the perfect opportunity to write to you.  Livi, you are growing up so fast and your personality is even bigger than you!  You are already showing us how sassy, determined and opinionated you can be.  One of your favorite terms, as of late, is "uh-uh", as you shake your head no and give a look that emulates that of a teenager.  You are starting to talk a lot more, and some of your favorite words include: mama, dadda, Will, bubba, meelk (milk), dog, peese (please), more, book, bebe (baby), and baany (bunny).  You LOVE to read books and crack me up when I pick one you don't like because you close it and say "bye bye".  You wave to everyone you meet, especially to tell them goodbye and will keep waving violently until they notice you. You adore your big brother and watch him like a hawk, however, you have also learned how to make him crazy-which you do quite well!!!  I watched you snatch his toy the other day and run from him, giggling all the way!  Praise Baby Christmas is your newest addiction, and you will cackle laughing when a baby comes on the screen-as you point and yell "bebe!!!"  You love to dance and move back and forth whenever you hear Mickey Mouse Clubhouse coming on.  You are still a wonderful sleeper and sleep about 11-12 hours a night.  I love to watch you sleeping on your tummy with your pink bunny tucked under one arm.  You love shoes and will put anyone's shoes on your feet and stomp all around the house in them...especially your brother's camo rain boots!  Jesus loves me continues to be the only song you want sung at bedtime, and if I start to sing another song, you keep saying "Jesus" until I start singing it again...again I say, you have a very determined little personality. 

I am so thankful for your big personality and I pray that you are always full of confidence so you can stand for your beliefs. I am in awe of you and Will and thank God every day that I was chosen to be your Mommy.  I know I have written that before, but I truly cannot put into words the overwhelming sense of gratitude I feel for each of you.  Your Daddy is so very smitten with you and when you take his hand to walk to his car for "moms morning out" he beams at the sight of you.  Will is not always kind to you, but he worries about you and protects you so much-and I love this about him being the big brother.  A few weeks ago he was crying at bedtime because he wanted "my sister" and you had already gone to bed.  I was getting ready the other morning while y'all were in the den, and I came in to find him "reading" a book to you...my heart melted because it showed me how much he loves feeling like he's helping you. I pray that y'all have a special bond, and this has been my prayer since the day you were born.  I was so thankful that Will was going to have a little sister to love and watch out for. 

Happy 18 months Livi Lou!  Your Daddy and I love you to pieces and cannot imagine our family without you.  I am sad at times knowing you are growing up and that you are my last baby...but I combat that with all the joy that watching you grow up brings. 

Love, Mommy  

07-27-15
Dear Livi,

Oh my sweet girl, you are growing up too fast!  You are spunky as ever and are definitely going to be my adventurous child!  You are so full of life and are fearless.  Just this past week I had to remove you from atop the kitchen table about five times.  Your crib is as low as it will go after you crawled out a few weeks ago.  You are talking up a blue streak and are able to say a handful of words: Mama, Dada, Bubba (brother), juice, hey, bye bye, Jesus, cheese, and bebe (baby).  

You love to run from me when I need to put your clothes on and this makes you cackle harder than ever.  You love to climb the stairs and pitch a fit if anyone tries to carry you up them. Your favorite foods are cheese sticks, raspberries, fruit pouches, greek yogurt, and you've discovered fruit snacks (thanks to your big brother!)  You share your brother's love of being outside and love to go "exploring".  You continue to love playing with your baby dolls and will wrap them up in blankets and place them in their stroller, only to take them back out and unwrap them-you are quite the little mommy!  You love to sing "Jesus loves me" and will dance back and forth when it is sung.  You dance all the time in the car and watch to see if Will is dancing too.  You can do a somersault and you giggle so big when you actually get all the way over.  You hate to be reprimanded and have the most pitiful reaction when we say your name in a disciplinary tone...your bottom lip comes out and begins to quiver just before you begin to scream out crying.  You give sweet kisses and hugs and will snuggle when you're sleepy.  You light up when Daddy and Will come into the room and will run across the living room to get Daddy when he walks in from work.  You continue to be a wonderful little sleeper, sleeping about 11 hours a night.  You love your pink bunny and keep it clutched most of the night until you pitch it out of the crib with all your other stuffed animals in the morning.

 We continue to call you "Livi Lou" and "Angel Girl" and your daddy and I are both head over heels in love with you.  I am so thankful that the Lord blessed us with such a spirited little girl to complete our family.  I am praying that your fireball personality will be one that shines for Jesus everyday of your life.  I pray that your stubbornness will develop into a stubbornness for standing for what is righteous.  As your mommy, I am saddened by the society in which you and Will are going to be growing up in, but it has also challenged me as a mother to pray that much harder for you both.  I pray for you to have a heart for Christ, and that you will know the word of God like you know the lyrics to your favorite songs.  I pray that you will have a heart of grace, balanced with a spirit of discernment.  I am praying that you and Will will have a close relationship so that you can challenge one another in your spiritual walks, and so that you can hold each other accountable.

 I know there will be times that you may not want to come to Daddy and I for guidance, so I pray that Will will be a Godly older brother that you can trust and one that you admire.  Y'all are so precious to me and I wish there was some way to truly convey JUST how MUCH I love you and Will.  Your daddy and I are both so proud of the two of you and cannot thank our Lord enough for entrusting y'all to us.  It is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that as much as I love y'all, God loves you more!!!  Please don't ever forget that. I love you sweet girl, and happy 15 months-a few days late!  I am so sad to watch you grow up, but am also excited to watch your endearing little personality blossom!  
Love, Mama :)

Dear Will...3 years old

Dear Will,

Happy Birthday sweet boy!  You are officially three...and I am officially in awe at how quickly your first three years have flown by.  I truly feel like it was just yesterday that we welcomed you into the world...and what a joyous day that was!  My little "Will bug", you continue to amaze me with your creative personality and your loving spirit.  You have started coming up with your own "stories" and it's so adorable to hear you tell them.  You love to read books and have memorized several of your favorites, in which you "read" to us at bedtime.  You have become quite the Dora The Explorer fan and I attribute your love for Dora to Mari-Wilton Bailey who introduced her to you!  You LOVE the garbage men and their truck and have made friends with all of them(Isaiah, James, Lamar, and Jerry).  They even gave you birthday gifts while getting the trash yesterday...it was one of the best things I've witnessed.  

This is one example of how much you love people!  You have a big heart and you always want to know people's names.  You ask our waitress for her name, you ask the checkout guy at Publix for his name, and so on and so on.  I truly believe that this stems from your love of people and I feel confident you will use your desire to call people by name to do big things in life, because people like to know that they are valued.  I pray you never lose your love for others, because I am trying daily to show you that caring about others matters.  Every time you ask "What's her name Mama?" or "What's his name Mama?", I am reminded that Christ calls us by name and I smile :)

You went fishing with Daddy last week for your first time and you caught five fish!!!  Daddy said you had a big time and really enjoyed the thrill of the catch.  

Your favorite foods are burritos from Taco Casa, fruit snacks, any fruit, waffles(that you can make by yourself while supervised), otter pops, tomatoes, "cracker sandwiches", frozen yogurt, and grilled cheese sandwiches.  Your favorite books are "Goodnight Goodnight Construction Site", "Truck Stop", "and "Jackson's Blanket".  You can still recite "Diapers are Not Forever" from memory, however we put that one up since you're potty-trained!  You potty-trained very easily in February and we are so proud of you! :)  You love to play outside and would probably live on the back porch if we would let you.  You love blowing bubbles and looking at the moon and the stars.

  You're so good with puzzles and are starting to learn all of your letters.  You can recite all the days of the week, and love to incorporate days into your story-telling!  Your favorite songs are "Zacchaeus", "Jesus Loves Me", "God is so Good", "You are my Sunshine", "I had a Little Turtle", "The Wheels on the Bus", "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star", "Away in a Manger", "Silent Night" and a whole lot of others!  You love to sing!!!  You also love singing your Bible verses that you have learned at Community Bible Study.  You can recite John 3:16 and it makes your Mommy and Daddy so happy to hear you say scripture! You love going to "Bible story" as you call it, and are pretty bummed that it doesn't meet in the summer.  

You have a memory like no other and can remember things we've done, people's names, and details, better than your Daddy can:)  You can put your shoes, shorts, and underwear on by yourself, but are still learning how to do your shirts.  You are a sweet big brother and you worry about Livi a lot, but you are still not keen on sharing with her and this causes lots of crying throughout the day.  

You sit at the top of the stairs at night and cry for us to come "lay with you", and you wake up in the mornings yelling "Mama Daddy, wake up!  The sun is waking up!"  You are an early riser and are always up by 7...usually by 6:30.  I am not sure there is anything cuter than you laying at the bottom of the stairs, behind the baby gate, in whatever pair of pajamas you picked out to wear.  I am a sucker for fitted pajamas! :)  

You've become quite a happy car rider and love to listen to your Sunday School Songs CD.  You know all of them and sing along wherever we go.  You can spot a bucket truck, digger, dump truck, firetruck, etc. from a mile away and scream out "Mama pass it!" You have learned what the traffic light colors mean and are quick to tell me when to stop, slow down or go:)  

Will, all of these things are ways that I try to remind myself what you are like at this stage in your precious life, but I know there is no real way to fully capture all that makes you so special!  I was telling someone this week how watching you grow up is bittersweet because with each new stage I love something new, but I'm sad for the season that's ending.  My favorite part of the stage we are in now is how loving you are.  I would guess that you tell me "Mama, I love you to the moon and back" about 8-10 times a day and I cannot tell you how big this makes my heart swell.  We had a "date night" a few weeks ago and you said "Mama, you look pretty in your dress" and I couldn't believe how precious you have become with your words.  Will, I love you to pieces and I am so proud of the little three year old boy that you are today!  I thank God everyday for entrusting us with you...and I pray I live to see you become the man of God that I am praying you will be.  Please stay true to the person you were created to be and know that your Mama loves you and is ALWAYS here for you.  

Love, Mama :)

5-30-15

Dear Livi...12 months

Dear Livi,

05-20-15

I cannot believe I am a month late writing your "one year" letter...but I am just having too much fun being your mommy to sit down and write :)  I always struggle to find the words to adequately express just how much I love you and Will...and I fear that I fail miserably, because there are not enough words in the dictionary to describe just how much I adore you both!  You are the happiest little girl and you giggle all the time!  

You started walking around 10 months and you started saying "da-da" and "ma-ma" around 11 months.  You LOVE your big brother and he continues to be the one that can make you giggle just by looking at you.  You love to eat and have yet to meet a food you didn't like:)  I think your favorite foods, as of late, are strawberries, cheese puffs, and bananas.  You are still sleeping like a little angel and you've gotten quite attached to your pink bunny.  Your favorite activity is playing peek-a-boo with anything you can find to cover your face...curtains, your dress, a towel, or clothes from the laundry basket-anything! You also love your baby dolls and will walk all around the house putting them in your strollers. I cannot leave you alone for 10 seconds because you are a climber!  Just this last week, you wanted something off the counter and pulled the oven drawer open trying to stand on it to get up to the counter.  You're almost too smart for your own good! You love taking a bath, but you don't like the baby pool yet(can't figure that one out!).  You are so happy in your swing on the back porch and will sit and watch Will play for an hour. You can be quite the "drama queen" when you don't get your way and have already mastered throwing yourself on the floor, back arched, and screaming.  I tell people all the time that you are just like the little girl in the poem, "There was a little girl".  

There was a little girl,

     Who had a little curl,

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, 

     She was very good indeed,

But when she was bad she was horrid.

Your daddy and I love you to pieces and we both thank God every day for choosing us to be your mommy and daddy!  I pray continually that you will grow up to love the Lord and that you will stand firm in your walk with Him.  I always like to envision you reading these letters as a mother yourself one day and I pray that you will smile knowing that you are praying the same for your little ones.  

I love you to the moon and back "Livi Lou" and I thank you for all that you're teaching me as a mother.  The Lord uses you and Will consistently to draw me closer to Him and that just makes y'all all the more special! :)  

I love you sweet girl,

Mommy 

Dear Livi...9 months

Dear Livi,

Happy 9 months sweet girl!  Mommy is trying so hard to do all the same things I did for your brother, for you, and one of those things is writing you letters throughout your childhood.  I chose a blog to do just that, because it keeps me more accountable than if I was doing it on my own.  

Livi, you are growing up so fast!!!  You are crawling all over the place (as you have been since around 7 months).  You're pulling up effortlessly and you're trying to stand by yourself.  You are currently cutting your 5th and 6th teeth and you've been pitiful this week with a cold (that I think is due to your teeth).  You love real food and are trying to wean off your bottle.  You had your first Milo's last week (niblets of grilled cheese and french fries) and you loved it!   You love cheese puffs, cheerios, puffs, goldfish, yogurt, and you will eat any baby food I serve you (unlike your big brother who hated most of it!)  You ADORE your big brother and you want to play with whatever he is playing with.  You light up when your daddy enters the room and he is the one who can get a smile out of you if nobody else can.  Daddy wakes up with you ever morning to give you your early bottle (5:30 range).  This is Daddy's time to bond with you and it is obvious how much y'all have bonded because you have him wrapped around not one, but all ten fingers!!!  You only have two moods...you're either super happy or super mad...there's no "in between" with you :)  You love to smile and you giggle often.  You turn your little head into Mommy's shoulder when someone talks to you and you appear bashful, however you have never met a stranger.  You love to be talked to, read to, and sung to.  You are the best car rider in the world.  You rarely cry and you usually fall asleep within minutes. You are getting a ton of hair and got to wear your first bow to Bible Study two weeks ago...although sadly we did not make it home with said bow.  You have just started taking baths with Will and he loves having you in the tub with him.  He puts all his toys in your lap and pours water all over you...I said he loves bath time, I did not say you do:)  You have just started getting attached to your "lovie" and it's a pink bunny. When Mommy lays you down at night, you reach for it and snuggle up tight with it.  Mommy and Daddy still call you "Livi Lou"...have no idea why, but it has stuck, so you'll probably think Lou is your middle name.  

Livi, I want to thank you for the way you have completed our little family.  I truly cannot stop praising God for choosing me to be your Mommy and for making you so perfect!  You are a little ray of sunshine and I cannot imagine our lives without you.  I rock you to bed every night and pray over you...not just for protection, but in admiration at God's gift.  I am smitten with you sweet girl and I cannot wait to watch your little personality develop.  I can already tell that you're going to be feisty because you don't give up a toy, to Will, without a fight.  You also will fight your Mommy and Daddy when you don't want to be put down...you throw your head back and bow your back, and you make it known that you are still wanting to be held :)  

We love you to the moon and back Angel Girl!  
Love, Mommy

When our best feels mediocre...

Lately I have had more and more conversations with women who are feeling overwhelmed in some capacity.  I will confess that the majority of these conversations have begun over my own confession of feeling overwhelmed, but the fact that others are so willing to jump in with a "yes!! me too!" leads me to believe that there is probably some element of this in everyone's life.  If you happen to be that one person who has it all together and never feels the burden of "trying to keep up" then go ahead and close this page because my candidness is probably not going to appeal to you.  I am so far from the one who has it all together it's ridiculous.  My 9 month old is still not on a schedule, my toddler is not potty-trained, my floors have not been mopped in several weeks, I sometimes cram my week-long Bible Study into one night, I can't talk on the phone without someone crying in the background, I can hardly make it to Bible Study with "real" clothes on, I use a lot of dry shampoo, I bribe my toddler with fruit snacks, I feed my child Totinos pizzas, I am not organic, I pretend fruit pouches are real fruits and vegetables, I think breakfast for dinner means I really tried, I "text" people back in my head but never actually text them, and this list goes on and on-but I'm doing my best!

Have you ever considered the phrase, "you did your best, that's all that matters".  I am sure I am not the only one who heard this as a child(maybe not when I got a 7 out of 100 on a Chemistry test)...and I know I will say these words to my own children when they are old enough to understand.  "Our best"...I feel like the older I get, the more pressure I put on myself to be my "best" for so many people...and somehow along the way, "best" has been twisted into "perfection".  I am a self-proclaimed people-pleaser...always have been, and while I have worked on this, I probably always will be-to some extent.  I think people-pleasers are at their very core a bit of a perfectionist.  I hate the term perfectionist because I know there is no such thing as earthly perfection, so I think it sounds almost vain, but the type of perfection I am referring to is more of an emotional perfection.  The emotional need that some of us women feel to be "all things" to all people...to make everyone happy.  I am that person.  I have always been that person, but now I am that person with a husband and 2 precious young children.  I am that person with dinners to cook, friends to be called, a house to be cleaned, family to be checked on, etc. etc.  At the end of the day, I just don't feel like I can keep up.  I feel like I have let people down because I forget to send a birthday text...or forgot to check on their sick child, or forget to take a meal to the church member who had a baby, and so on and so on.  

As I was standing in the shower the other day, I asked myself, "am I doing my best?"  And to my surprise, the answer is yes.  While my "best" feels very mediocre, at this stage in my life, it truly is the best I can give.  As simple as this sounds, it really freed my mind and my heart to stop being so hard on myself.  I don't have to beat myself up for being forgetful, or for not doing as much for others as I would like to be doing, or for sometimes serving the same meal 3 nights in a row (I have a great husband who doesn't complain), or for not having a Pinterest Award worthy gift for my son's class at Christmas.  I am doing my best.  Period.  I don't want to go through life feeling overwhelmed or feeling guilt for not being able to do it all.  I have spent a few weeks now trying to simplify things as much as possible.  One of my favorite sayings-"you make time for what's important to you".  This requires determining what IS most important to you...which for me is my Savior, my family and my friends.  Even our friendships need reassessing from time to time-which is no easy task, but a necessary one...to determine which friendships are worth your time, energy and love.  

Each season in our lives brings about new and different challenges...and I'm finding the importance to treat each "season" as just that...a season.  I think in recognizing how taxing the challenges of our current season can be on us, it can also create a deeper understanding in what those around us may be feeling.  Grace is a beautiful thing and we all need it...but I sometimes forget to give it to myself.  So with the new year, I am going to give myself the gift of grace as my New Year's Resolution...so that I can let go of feeling mediocre :)

"But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, God opposes 

the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6