There's no place like home for the holidays...

~10 days until Christmas~

Oh Christmas Tree!

Tree topper...Happy Birthday Jesus!

The stockings were hung by the banister with care:)

"Santa Baby"

Wanted a fun way to display our Christmas cards, so I hung them on the back of our kitchen chairs:)

Will's first ornament...

Tragedy...

My heart is so very heavy tonight, as it aches for those affected by the school shooting in Connecticut.  I find myself asking "why", but deep down I know that there is no answer that will makes sense or an answer that will satisfy my need to understand.  I cannot imagine what the parents of those precious children are feeling.  My heart breaks considering the thoughts they are having, and the range of emotions they are feeling. 

Today's events are a painful reminder that we are not promised tomorrow...or even the next moment.  I think tragedies such as this bring about a renewed spirit of gratitude.  Tragedies like this bring about immense empathy as we all imagine the "what if" that was me...and find ourselves drowning in emotion.  I am completely guilty of taking moments for granted...and I want to be more mindful of this. Sitting on the couch with Cullen and Will tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about what if this was the last time we all sat together as a family?  Watching Will giggle and smile tonight, I teared up thinking about what if this was the last time I heard him giggle?  It is so overwhelming painful to think about the parents who had those last moments this morning.  When I was rocking Will to sleep tonight, I couldn't stop thanking the Lord that I had him to hold and realized I cannot thank Him enough.  

It is during these times that we hear our nation talk about God...yet on typical days in our nation, God is being removed from every facet of our country.  Why have we become a country that shuts God out...and then calls on Him in time of trouble?  How many more tragedies must happen before our nation sees "the light".  As a believer, I find it almost offensive when those on television use the word "prayer" so loosely.  Prayer is our way of communicating with our Savior.  Why do people feel such a comfort to talk about God and prayer in times of crises, but those same people find God and prayer offensive during times of normalcy.  I pray that this tragedy will open the hearts of those who do not know Christ and they will receive him as their Savior.  I pray that our country will examine what is missing from our country...and will desire to see that changed.  I pray that believers will not grow weary in being a light in this dark world.  And most of all, I pray for those affected... the mom and dad that will never see their innocent children again, the gifts from Santa that will never be opened, the grandparents that were counting down the days until they saw their precious grands for Christmas, the siblings who are missing their best friends, the teachers who felt helpless, the teachers' families who lost their lives saving their students, the community who has lost its sense of security, the students who were exposed to a terror that no one should ever endure, and the police and emergency personnel that have those images forever engraved in their memories.  I just cannot imagine what those left behind are enduring...and it is the inability for my mind to understand that leaves my heart in so much pain.  

A new "first"...

When you write in your little one's baby book, there is a list of "firsts".  First smile, first word, first coo, first food, first time to rollover, etc., etc.  "First sickness" is not listed, but I feel it is an important milestone to write about.  This week is Will's first time to be sick.  He had a bout at Children's Hospital months back due to probable intussusception, and severe constipation...but this is our little man's first real sickness.  He had a fever of 101.6, was coughing, and was also vomiting some (due to the coughing we think), was fussier than usual, and wasn't eating very much.  We called the doctor's office on-call, as any new parents would; and they told us to watch him, to bring him in if the fever persisted for more than 24 hours, to alternate between motrin and tylenol, and to take him to the ER if the fever got to be over 105.  He was up and down all night, but was better the next day-just a little fussier than usual.  Then last night, he was up ALL night!  As a first-time mom, I must say the hardest part of our "first sickness" is the not knowing.  You have nothing to build on, so you have nothing to gauge anything by.  Your little one can't communicate, so you have no idea how to help them.  It is such a helpless feeling...and one that I know all first-time mommies have gone through. You have no experiences with sickness yet, so you have absolutely nothing to compare it to, to know how bad or good it is. Will's symptoms are common for so many different things, that the internet diagnosed him with everything in the world!  Is it teething?  Is it a cold?  Is it RSV?  Is it an ear infection?  I had decided not to take him to the doctor, unless symptoms persisted or got worse, but then you suffer from that little voice of doubt in your head-"should we go ahead and go?" "is there something they could do to help him?" "am I doing all that I should be?"   And taking him to the doctor had its on set of doubts-will he come home with the flu?  Will they think I overreacted?  I know this is something that all babies go through,  and all parents go through, but that doesn't make it any less crappy!  

I wanted to remember this "first" for Will, because I think it is in these moments that we grow the most as parents, and we learn to rely on the Lord more and more for guidance and for comfort. Last night, rocking Will and feeling completely helpless, I had a wonderful talk with the Lord.  He reminded me that when I feel helpless, He is not. 

It was also one of the moments as a wife, that I realized all the more how important it is that your marriage always be a partnership.  Parenting definitely takes teamwork and I am so very grateful for my awesome teammate:) I was exhausted by 2:00 a.m. and that is when Cullen stepped up and took over.  He went upstairs for "round 6" and rocked and consoled our little guy.  By "round 8", Cullen went back upstairs with his pillow in tow and told me he was just going to crash on the guestroom bed.  I heard continuous crying around 3:30, and went up and relieved Cullen.  We both took his temperature, made bottles (that got rejected) and resorted to our lovely singing to soothe Will.  Will is about the only one that our singing will soothe!  I love that we get to do this together and that I woke up this morning feeling a bit of relief that this "first" is almost over (hopefully).  I read all of the time on facebook about sick little ones and knew our day was coming, and now it is here.  I am so very thankful for the mommies out there that can empathize and I am writing this in hopes that it will give validation to other new mommies out there when they have their "first sickness".  I think my best advice is to focus on the positive...and the precious moments with your little one.  I feel certain that  having Will fall asleep on me multiple times this week, will be some of my most cherished memories.  

A book for Will...

This morning, while organizing my closet, I came across all of our old "family albums" that belonged to my grandmother.  I am the most sentimental person in the world, so these albums were one of the few items I took from my grandmother's home when she passed away.  I love that she wrote by each picture, where it was taken, and who was in it.  I feel like she knew that her albums would one day be an heirloom for generations to come.  I am not sure she knew that it would leave her grand-daughter sitting in the floor of her closet bawling like a baby...but it did!

I lost my last grandparent (my dad's mom) two years ago...and it seems I am grieving more now than ever.  Having Will has made me miss my grandparents all the more.  It makes me so sad that no one from that generation of my family will meet Will and no one from that generation of my family got to meet Cullen.  I guess that is one disadvantage of being the baby child!  

I lost both of my grandfathers before I turned 6 years old...so my memories of them are limited.  I have always envied my two older brothers for having stories to tell about both of them.  They remember their characteristics...where as I just remember their images.  While I got to enjoy my grandmothers longer, I wish now that I had paid more attention to the details of their stories.  I wish I had taken notes, and not relied on my memory-which seems to get worse by the day..."mommy brain!"  I find it remarkable that while my memories are blurred, my love for them is still so vivid.  

I am so very thankful that Will has both sets of his grandparents and I pray they get to see him grow up. What a blessing that will be!  I am so grateful that we live an hour away from both of our parents, so that we can visit whenever we want.  I have been thinking a lot lately about ways I can ensure that Will always remembers the details of his grandparents...the details I cannot remember about mine.  I decided to create a "family tree" book for him and I will give it to him when he is older and can appreciate it.  I want to start it now though, while we are so blessed to have so many family members in his life.  I want him to have an understanding of each branch of our family tree...and to be able to share it with his own children one day. I created a list of questions(that may or not be tweaked) to provide to all of our family members to complete.  I am going to ask Cullen's great-grandmothers the questions, and record their answers, to type up myself:)  I am sure new questions will come from the existing questions...but this will be my guide.  I LOVE the idea of having an heirloom to pass down from generation to generation, with each generation adding to it!

Our Family Tree…every branch holds a story

What is your name and relationship to William Cullen Smith?

Who is your spouse and how did you and your spouse meet?  (Please give all of the romantic details)

What is one of your favorite childhood memories?

Who are your parents? Where were they born? If deceased, how did they die?  If deceased, when did they die?

Who are your children? 

What did you do for a living?

Where were you born? 

Where do you attend church?  Who is responsible for your relationship with Christ?

What do you feel will be your greatest legacy?

What is your most favorite family tradition?

What is your highest level of education?

What is something that would surprise most of your family to know about you?

Where was the most interesting place you traveled?

What do you remember about the South during your childhood?

What is the most significant cultural change you have seen within our society?

Favorite movie?  Actor?  Actress?

What is your favorite meal?

What do you feel is the best advice you can give to Will?

Wish me luck in getting this done in a TIMELY manner!!!