Tragedy...

My heart is so very heavy tonight, as it aches for those affected by the school shooting in Connecticut.  I find myself asking "why", but deep down I know that there is no answer that will makes sense or an answer that will satisfy my need to understand.  I cannot imagine what the parents of those precious children are feeling.  My heart breaks considering the thoughts they are having, and the range of emotions they are feeling. 

Today's events are a painful reminder that we are not promised tomorrow...or even the next moment.  I think tragedies such as this bring about a renewed spirit of gratitude.  Tragedies like this bring about immense empathy as we all imagine the "what if" that was me...and find ourselves drowning in emotion.  I am completely guilty of taking moments for granted...and I want to be more mindful of this. Sitting on the couch with Cullen and Will tonight, I couldn't stop thinking about what if this was the last time we all sat together as a family?  Watching Will giggle and smile tonight, I teared up thinking about what if this was the last time I heard him giggle?  It is so overwhelming painful to think about the parents who had those last moments this morning.  When I was rocking Will to sleep tonight, I couldn't stop thanking the Lord that I had him to hold and realized I cannot thank Him enough.  

It is during these times that we hear our nation talk about God...yet on typical days in our nation, God is being removed from every facet of our country.  Why have we become a country that shuts God out...and then calls on Him in time of trouble?  How many more tragedies must happen before our nation sees "the light".  As a believer, I find it almost offensive when those on television use the word "prayer" so loosely.  Prayer is our way of communicating with our Savior.  Why do people feel such a comfort to talk about God and prayer in times of crises, but those same people find God and prayer offensive during times of normalcy.  I pray that this tragedy will open the hearts of those who do not know Christ and they will receive him as their Savior.  I pray that our country will examine what is missing from our country...and will desire to see that changed.  I pray that believers will not grow weary in being a light in this dark world.  And most of all, I pray for those affected... the mom and dad that will never see their innocent children again, the gifts from Santa that will never be opened, the grandparents that were counting down the days until they saw their precious grands for Christmas, the siblings who are missing their best friends, the teachers who felt helpless, the teachers' families who lost their lives saving their students, the community who has lost its sense of security, the students who were exposed to a terror that no one should ever endure, and the police and emergency personnel that have those images forever engraved in their memories.  I just cannot imagine what those left behind are enduring...and it is the inability for my mind to understand that leaves my heart in so much pain.