This past month has been a doozy at our house. We have had pink eye, double pneumonia, a fever virus, sleep regression, the busyness of Christmas...and all of these things have been in addition to Will going through a very "needy and clingy" stage. Perhaps the neediness is due to all of the sickness, but whatever the reason, it is here and does not appear to be going anywhere.
This morning the neediness was on a whole new level. Will woke up screaming and didn't want to be put down...not even in his highchair for breakfast. He wailed and wailed and nothing soothed him. He wanted to be held, then wanted down, only to wail to be picked up again. I know that I am describing normal days for moms everywhere, but I am leading up to something-so bear with me. He doesn't appear to be sick (no fever) so there is either something ailing him that he can't communicate to me, or it is just "one of those days".
I finally got him down for a nap and got in my sanctuary (aka-the shower). As I stood in the shower crying in frustration (I am pregnant and tired) and praying aloud to God, the Lord laid something on my mind and heart that really convicted me. I was praying for patience and endurance to deal with Will's "neediness" when I realized that I am no less needy than Will. I am Will's earthly mother and until he comes to know Christ, I am one of the people he knows loves him unconditionally. I am the person that feeds him, cares for him, loves him, and gives him security. Just as he comes to me for his needs, I go to my heavenly father for my own needs. I cry out to God when I am scared. I cry out to God when I am sad. I cry out to God when I am frustrated. I cry out to God when I feel unsure of myself. I of course praise Him for all that He does for me, just as Will does me when he takes my face and kisses it...or gives me a big hug, or a big smile. I started to personalize the way Will "whines" to me and realized that I probably sound quite whiny to my Savior at times...but He doesn't grow tired of me, or cast me aside. He picks me up in His loving arms, holds me, and reminds my heart that He is always with me. He directs me to His word for strength and for security. Time with the Lord always leaves me feeling safe and calm. I pray that my sweet Will feels nothing but the same from me. Today, when Will is in the midst of his neediest of all days, I am going to approach it with a different attitude. I am going to see his need for me through the eyes of My Father...not through my own selfish eyes. I am thanking the Lord today for His love and promises...and for my precious little Will.
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