I haven't blogged in so long, but wanted to and needed to today...writing is sometimes my therapy. Today I write with a heavy heart because today we will be putting my dog, Cheney, to sleep. Cheney came into my life on January 20th, 2001...the day of the Bush/Cheney inauguration (hence her Republican name). I was a senior in college and volunteering at the animal shelter...and she stole my heart and I had to have her. Little did I know at the time that she would become my constant companion as I entered new phases of my life. She has been with me through graduate school, my first job, multiple moves, multiple heartbreaks, a tornado, my wedding and even the birth of Will. I did not marry until I was 32, so I was living alone for the majority of Cheney's life. You never realize what a dog represents to you until you reflect on their life. Cheney was my constant...and she kept me from feeling so alone, on days when I did. I longed to have someone to "come home to", but it wasn't that season of my life yet...and Cheney helped fill a void that was missing for me. I can remember countless emotional days of hospice work and coming home to her wagging tail, her jumping up on me-so happy to see me. If Cheney didn't greet me at the door, I knew something was wrong! She has not always been an easy dog...full of quirks and a little on the "mean" side when she wanted to be, but I learned to appreciate all of these things about her. Cheney did not know it, but she was teaching me patience that I would need as a mother one day. She was teaching me love and devotion...in her own little Cheney way. She was never a very obedient dog and was very trying at times...but I loved her despite those qualities, just as I do with others and pray others do for me. I know some people think, "it's just a dog", but to me Cheney has been a part of my family, and a very dear one at that. I have enjoyed almost 14 years with this precious furry friend and my heart is aching having to let her go. Unfortunately all of Cheney's "quirks" and "mean" qualities that I mentioned have exacerbated in her old age...and especially with a toddler in the house. Cheney is just too old to understand or appreciate Will and Will is just too young to understand or be considerate of Cheney...and this has led to Cheney snapping and ultimately biting Will. Last night I had to make a "grownup decision" (as I like to call them) and the decision was to put Cheney down. It was not an easy decision, but a necessary one...and one that is causing me so much guilt, grief and sadness. I think I was too busy enjoying a new season in my life to realize how much she has aged, because in my eyes she's still the crazy little puppy I brought home from the shelter in 2001. I am so thankful for her life and thankful that she was my first dog. We had dogs growing up, but this was MY dog, my baby, and that is why my heart is grieving today. To those of you who love dogs, you know how a dog can steal your heart and run with it...and they don't let go until we let them go. Watching Cheney go out the door today for the last time has brought so many tears and so much pain...but one thing is for sure, she will never walk out of my mind or my heart. My sweet Cheney, "Cheney bug" will always hold an incredibly special spot in my memories...because she has been apart of so many of them.
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| Cheney 09/20/00-03/24/14 |
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